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Friday, January 23, 2004

How I blame myself for not being strong enough... and, maybe, I could have reacted... I know it wouldn't be good, I prefer to hide myself and sit with my tears, just crying and thinking... That's my way to deal with everything: cry and hide. Revolting, isn't it? But, I prefer being like this and not being violent, or reacting, cuz the results r always terrible if you do this. Most of the people hate you after and try to have a revenge (what I honestly wouldn't be prepaired for), and that's why I'm weak, cuz things roll better this way, they leave peace behind. And I want peace the same way I wanna live in the U.S, with all the power and will I can find in my relapse body...

Well, I finished Harry Potter yesterday! Really cool! The best from all of 'em! I love Harry Potter's books! They r all awesome!

That's all for 2day, cuz I'm exposing myself too much, and that's just not good...
See ya...

Spitted By cobain girl | 3:19 PM |

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Thursday, January 22, 2004

Hi, folks! 2day I'm kinda bored, I'm feeling pain, and I just can't get my guitar on the right tune!!!! It's sounding strange and I'm so full of pain... I'm sleepy and I just can't put my thoughts and actions in order (again...) ... My God! Where should I be? I'm so full of questions, pain, anger and sensitivity!!! I'm writing a lot, almost 5 pages of my notebook everyday! I don't remember about what, but mainly about my feelings, cuz they just don't leave me (what is supposily, and truly, nice). I'm dizzy, and can't walk 2 much, cuz I'd fall down and break my little heart... Someone, save my depression! I'm so damn depressed... Almost everyday I turn to myself and ask what I am now... It's so fucking disgusting u seeing urself falling into darkness and can't helping... No one knows what I'm passing thru, cuz I don't want anybody saying that I need help! I ain't no baby, retarded or anything like that, who needs assistance all the time! I don't need a blonde and witchy nurse! No, I just need friends, laughs, gigs, beer (now I'm drinking!What a genius who created it!) and my dogs! Isn't heaven based on this five stuff? My idea is something like that, but I don't know if I'm prepared to be happy, my sadness will be missed... I kinda like to have this feelings and suicidal thoughts, cuz they help me to see different angles of life, they show me a new wold, where I can put little characters and play with 'em... It's kinda my own world, my big, enormous, history! I'm thinking seriously in becoming a writer, if someone could stop me or just give me strength to go on, talk to me (maybe one of you could be part of my new world, and you could be in my future book...hehe! Did I convice anyone? Tell me)...

Well, see ya and, please, comment !

Spitted By cobain girl | 5:54 PM |

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Monday, January 19, 2004

Hey everybody! Here I am, with no fresh news (again...)
I spent all my day at home, eating, playing PS and in the computer... What a fresh new!!! Damn life, what more can I do??? Well, I'm not enjoying life anymore, but a real new made me change my mind : In a year and a half, I'll certainly do that exchange program in Seattle!!! Isn't it perfect? My life will be perfect in a year and a half!!! I'm so damn happy!!!!!!! Well, but my frustration of being myself and doing (better, not doing) some stuff is still with me, what turns my life in a total depression again...

The only thing I can ask myself is WHY?!?!?! If someone could answer this simple question, call me!!!!!!

This pic is just what I'm feeling now, appearing good, but angry (frustrated) inside...

Spitted By cobain girl | 8:12 PM |

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Sunday, January 18, 2004

Hi! I'm just a little bit better now.. My sadness is leaving me for a while (but, PLEASE, don't disapear, 'cause I'll miss u...)... I don't know if I feel happy for that, actually, I'm feeling alone (so what?)... God dammed! My thoughts are in total disorder, I just can't sit here and type this things!!! Well, maybe I can and need it... I'm becoming an obsessive writer of stupid things!

Let this shit go... As a good-obsessive-and-crazy-writer, I'm reading a lot! I just bough "Perfume" from Patrick Suskind, and I'm reading Harry Potter (the last one), too. At the same time I'm reading "Don't sweat the small stuff - For teens" (I'm not liking it so much, it's a little too positive...)

So, that's it for 2day! Bye...

Spitted By cobain girl | 12:23 PM |

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